Restricted Release Page 19

  And that thought sent a warm thumping pulse of fresh want through me. No one had ever kissed me that way after a blowjob. No man had ever been bold enough to kiss me like that with the taste of himself on my lips.

  “Um, yes?” I snickered.

  Nadia dropped to the other side of me and the bed shook. She twined my hair around her long finger before letting it go. She did this over and over again as Matt watched. “Hey, Millen, not to be a jerk, but didn’t you say something about food?”

  He sighed mightily—putting on a show for his friend no doubt—and groaned. “But that means getting dressed and walking…and then going downstairs…in the cold house.”

  My stomach grumbled and I snorted. It seemed we were all in cahoots against him.

  “For your girl,” Nadia needled him.

  “Oh, now use the ‘my girl’ card. Fine, fine. But if I catch pneumonia, Nads, it’s your fault.”

  “Boo and fucking hoo,” she said, kicking him lightly with the tips of her toes. He was gorgeous naked. And so was she. I felt like the ugly duckling in the middle though I thought if I said that aloud I’d get pounced on for speaking poorly of myself.

  “We’ll come down and help you in a moment,” I said, watching his ass flex and move as he pulled his pants on. It really was a waste of good nakedness to see him get dressed.

  “Yep, right behind you, chief!” Nadia snickered.

  I sat up and randomly kissed his hipbone right before he pulled his jeans all the way up. It caught him off guard and he looked down at me and smiled. Cupping my face in his hands he swept his thumbs back and forth along my jaw. “God, you’re pretty.”

  He touched my nose. “Take your time. I’m going to go see what kind of food a girl who hardly eats has in her fridge.”

  “Hey,” I whispered, feeling a tiny bit anxious. “I am getting better.”

  “Yes. You are,” he said from the doorway. Something in the way he said it made pride swell in me, big and sudden. My face heated with a blush and I looked away.

  My God. I was getting better.

  “Scoot, scoot!” Nadia flipped her hands at him in a shooing motion.

  Matt rolled his eyes at her. “Bossy much, Nads?”

  But he went.

  “What was that all about?” I asked, feeling an odd sinking in my stomach. I sensed something coming maybe I didn’t want to know.

  “What?”

  “That was a huge effort to get rid of him,” I said. I pulled on a flannel shirt that I kept hung on the bedpost during winter.

  “I just wanted to talk to you alone is all.” Suddenly Nadia seemed shy. She’d tied me up and eaten junk food with me. She’d painted my nails and fucked me with her pretty blue cock—twice—but now she was shy.

  “About what?”

  I swallowed hard. I didn’t want to know.

  “About me. Us. How I feel about you.”

  “Oh.” It was all I could manage.

  “I can tell you’re nervous. Maybe you even don’t want to hear me.”

  She took my hand and turned it over in her palm. Her delicate fingertip traced the lines in my palm. Money line, love line, life line…scar.

  The scar was from cutting myself in an attempt not to eat once. The pain had sharpened my focus. Luckily my cutting hadn’t lasted long at all. I’d found other ways to focus my mind and deny my body calories.

  I curled my hand up so she couldn’t touch it. But Nadia, ever stubborn, straightened it in hers and repeated the motion, tracing that scar over and over.

  “You can say anything you want to me,” I told her.

  Just don’t expect me to feel the same always…And please don’t hate me for it…

  I didn’t say that part.

  “I just want to tell you…” She turned on her hip to look at me. We were still nestled in the middle of my big bed and she’d pulled the sheet up over just her feet and ankles. It made her look girlish and vulnerable. “That I was just doing Matt a favor.”

  Relief flooded me. Was she letting me down easy? I had feelings for her, feelings far beyond what I had ever anticipated. Enough to confuse me even. But I wasn’t so confused that I couldn’t truly read my emotions. I was going to tell her that it was fine. I understood. But then she kept talking.

  “But it turned into something far weirder than even I had even anticipated. And trust me, Clara, I’ve seen and done some weird shit. But I love you!” She blurted the last. She said it fast and loud the way you do when you want to get something over with.

  I opened my mouth to speak and she held her hand up. Covered my lips with three of her fingers.

  “Don’t talk. I know how you feel about him. Jesus, Clara, I’d have to be blind, deaf and dumb and…well, dead, not to see it. But I also see that you feel a little more for me than you ever thought you would. I mean hell, at first you were afraid of me, sort of.”

  I smiled and laughed softly. I had been afraid of her. She was so…present. So very okay in her skin. It had been exciting and unsettling. But we’d hit a point where things had to be thought through. At least it felt that way to me. I couldn’t speak for anyone but myself.

  “I just wanted one time to say that to you. I fell for you. I never saw it coming and I’d never ever come between you and Matt. You do know you love him right?”

  I said nothing. I just chewed my lip and listened to the soft sound of the TV downstairs. He must have turned it on as he went through the living room.

  “I don’t know,” I said.

  “Well, I do. Now let’s—”

  “Food!” Matt called from downstairs. “And hey, thanks for all that help you two promised me!”

  Nadia snorted, her eyes shiny like she might cry. She squeezed my hand instead. “Let’s go eat.”

  She kissed my cheek and took off out of my bed like a shot. The knot of guilt and confusion in my stomach made me wonder if I could eat at all.

  * * * * *

  Grilled cheese. That was what he’d made us and only after shooting over to his house to grab cheese.

  “You need to go grocery shopping,” Matt told me as we ate.

  Nadia laughed and joked and ate as if our conversation had never happened. When they looked as if they were ready to go, I grabbed them. Each by a wrist. His so big in my left hand, hers so small in my right. “Stay,” I said. “There’s a shower and a big bed and it’s cold outside. And I have cable in my room. B movies as far as the eye can see on the one channel.”

  Matt leaned in. “Count me in.” His lips were soft on my cheek.

  We both stared at Nadia. She played with a crust of her bread. “Sure thing, sister. I’m in,” she said.

  I felt my guilt abate on a wave of relief. It would be short-lived, but it was something.

  Oddly we showered one at a time. Nadia first, Matt second, me third. I don’t know why but I do know we didn’t talk about it. It just seemed to happen. My theory was that we each needed a bit of time alone after such an intense encounter.

  He knocked once before coming in the bathroom. I was toweling off, studying my face in the mirror to see if I had changed any from what we’d just done. It didn’t appear so.

  Matt kissed the back of my neck and wrapped his arms around me from behind. He stared me down in the bathroom mirror, brown eyes kind and thoughtful. “She loves you, you know.”

  I snorted and rolled my eyes before thinking better of it. Matt frowned, clearly confused by my reaction.

  “Is today national tell Clara someone loves her day?” I bit my lips, suddenly nervous as confusion settled more deeply in the lines around his eyes.

  “You’ll have to fill me in,” he said.

  I turned, hoping he wouldn’t let me go. Feeling his hands on me was what I needed at that moment to make me feel grounded and sane. Or as sane as I could feel at this point in time.

  “She told me that you loved me. When you went down to cook.”

  I watched him consider it. He was so thoughtful for an artist. They’re ofte
n pegged as flighty and spontaneous and a bit crazy. I watched Matt weigh out every word. “Did she?”

  I nodded, pushing my body against him more firmly. He was warm and I was getting chilly. “She did.”

  He stared at me and his eyes lingered on my lips. I willed him to kiss me. Instead he whispered, “She’s right, you know.”

  “Is she?” Why did I feel so shy suddenly?

  “Yes. I do. But I know…how you feel since whatshisname.”

  He knew his name. It made me laugh though.

  “How I feel seems to be shifting every day,” I said. I touched his lower lip and he kissed my finger.

  “Does it?”

  “It does.” This time he kissed my lips. I shivered and pressed even more closely to him. I could feel his heart pounding and I was sure he could feel mine. “I just…” I backed off a bit. “I don’t want to hurt anyone so maybe we shouldn’t…”

  “Hey, listen, I want you to choose or not choose right now—either works for me. I want you to be happy, Clara. That’s what this whole thing started out as, a way to make you happy and have you in control.”

  “I know. But I don’t want to hurt anyone,” I said again. “I never thought one person would love me again. Let alone two. Let alone two amazing people.”

  “I know that’s what you thought. But you’ve clearly never met you.”

  “Would you want me to be happy even if it meant you weren’t?” I asked, curious.

  “Oddly, yes.”

  I smiled. “You’re crazy.”

  “No. I just love you is all.”

  I almost told him I loved him too but managed to stop myself. Barely.

  Turned out the way to fall in love again after being so utterly mindfucked by the emotion is to find someone easy to love.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  I woke to Matt kissing me. His mouth was gentle but insistent as he showered me with kisses. I held his face in my hands and kissed him back once I was awake. “What are you doing?”

  “Kissing you.”

  “Why?”

  “I woke up and you were here next to me and God, Clara, it made me so happy.”

  My heart crimped tight and excited at his admission. What an amazing thing to hear. What an amazing feeling inside me when he said it and I knew he meant every word.

  Nadia stirred next to me and my heart plummeted. There was that fear of hurting her again. There was that fear of hurting anyone because I had been so hurt at times and I knew the crushing nature of rejection.

  Matt felt me stiffen and his kiss deepened. His hand slid between my thighs and the side of it nudged my clit. I don’t know how long he’d kissed me while I slept but my body was ready and engaged. I was turned-on and when he put that pressure on my clitoris I sighed.

  “Get her,” he whispered. “Room for one more.”

  Were we really going to do this again?

  When she pressed to my back spooning me and reached around to cup my breasts, I knew I was willing. Her mouth slipped along the back of my neck as Matt continued to kiss me. So much stimulation. So much pleasure. My skin seemed to prickle with adrenaline and I said, “What, what? What do we do?”

  They both laughed. “We do what feels good,” Matt said and then, “Take off your clothes, Clara.”

  Nadia helped me, her warm breath sliding over my skin as the cool air of the bedroom hit me simultaneously. My body went into confusion and gooseflesh rose up immediately. Matt swept his hands over me, laughing. “Excited?”

  “Yes. I think so.”

  “You think?” Nadia tsked. “Is it because it’s the last time we’re going to do this?”

  No one spoke. No one moved. The statement felt true and because of that I turned to her and cupped her face. I kissed her and she kissed me back. Matt smoothed circles over my ass with his big palms. I could hear his skin whispering on mine.

  I arched my bottom back against his touch, liking the way he touched me. Loving the way it made me feel. From behind, he slid a finger into my pussy and then a second. I was so wet I could hear the ease of passage as his fingers penetrated me. His fingertips went right to my G-spot and I sighed against Nadia’s lips.

  “I want him to fuck you. I want to see,” she said to me. There was a catch in her voice that made my throat tight with emotion. Was this a goodbye or a kiss-off or just a brokenhearted moment? I didn’t know.

  Maybe I was reading it all wrong.

  Matt heard—of course he did. There was a hush in the room. He rolled me to my back and slipped out of his boxer briefs. His cock was hard and the urge to touch him overwhelming. I took him in hand and stroked him, cupping his balls with my other hand, until he made that soft sound that told me he liked the feel of my hands on him.

  I squeezed and craned my head to kiss him once more. Nadia, watching it all, shoved a throw pillow under my ass, tilting me just so to receive him. “It always feels better this way,” she explained softly. “At least I think so.”

  She pulled my thighs apart as Matt studied us, stroking his shaft. Me being readied by his friend so he could fuck me. The bizarre but beautiful nature of the moment hit me and I was awestruck. I let her part my legs a bit more and lay a kiss on my belly. Her lips tickled and my skin rippled like water under high wind.

  “There. Perfect. Now come here, Matt,” she said.

  He cocked his head but then moved forward on his knees so she could reach him. She ran the tip of him along my drenched entrance and watched, intent, where his flesh met mine. The only light in the room came from the crazy cast-off bluish light of the TV.

  “Nads,” Matt sighed, clearly overwhelmed by the feel of it all. Her hand on him, my cunt wet and ready, ready to take him in. His eyelids fluttered and his jaw went tight.

  “Go on, impatient boy,” she said and kissed him.

  He slid into me easily, my body opening to let him in and then flexing tight to hold him. The surge of pleasant friction made my nipples hard with arousal and she saw it. Nadia leaned in, licking one and then the other so that I was gasping with the goodness of it. Matt tipped my hips a little more and set my ankles on his shoulders. He was watching us kiss, his breath a runaway train in the silent room.

  “Get up here,” I said to her, trying to lead her forward by tugging her thin wrist.

  At first she resisted. “You two should—”

  “Nadia, don’t fight me,” I said. “Please.”

  So she positioned herself over me, facing Matt, her movements sensual, her body lush and feminine. She lowered her pussy over my face, straddling my head and I could smell the sweet musky scent of her. I shoved my wrists under my head as if I were lying in the grass daydreaming.

  “Just a tiny bit lower,” I said and she moved down. I craned my head and found her clit with my tongue, gathering the rich fluid from between her legs. Nadia sighed and her thighs trembled. I stuck the rigid tip of my tongue into her slit and fucked her with it.

  “Kill me now,” she laughed.

  “Now kiss him,” I murmured before sighing mightily.

  They kissed over me and I could imagine their crazily lit faces when I heard Nadia laugh. Matt’s hands gripped my ankles tight and he moved into me more forcefully. The way Nadia had tilted me, ever thrust brushed my plump wet sheath and I felt a resounding tug in my stomach as he hit my G-spot over and over again.

  I licked as calmly as I could, brushing my lips and tongue over her nether lips. Her juices spread across my face and I lapped at her, gathering as much as I could. Slipping my hand between her ass cheeks, I found her anus. I pushed, felt her relax to let me in, and my finger penetrated her.

  I sucked her clit and she groaned. Her legs trembled and Matt moved into me with a desperate rhythm. “Fuck,” was all he said.

  “We are,” Nadia said, joking, but her voice shook.

  Matt found my clit with his thumb and the added stimulation sent me over the edge. I came, muscles shaking, crying out. I grabbed Nadia with my free hand and yanked her down
and buried my mouth in her, the vibration of my cries caressing her skin.

  She came with a whimper and Matt groaned. “You can come too,” she teased.

  I just kept licking her, eavesdropping on their back and forth. She was sweetest after she came.

  “Not yet,” he said and then smacked my butt. “Turn over, Miss Clara.”

  They both pulled back and though naked, I felt utterly bare—body, mind and soul. He flipped me onto my stomach and I squealed before laughing out loud, a real belly laugh that shook my body.

  “Come on, giggle girl.” He hoisted me up onto hands and knees. He grabbed my ass and squeezed. “God, what an ass.”

  I felt a blush, invisible to them, heat my cheeks.

  “I’ll second that,” Nadia said.

  “Speaking of you, get on under there. I want you to eat our girl, Nadia.”

  I blinked.

  “And you’re going to give Nadia round two. Nothing beats an orgasm like―”

  “Another orgasm,” Nadia interjected. This must have been a joke between them.

  She slipped under my body so we were in sixty-nine position. Her face beneath me, her pussy beneath my face. She briefly sucked my nipple along the way and gave it a bite as she went. I jolted and shivered. The sharp stab of pain had served to make me trembly with want.

  Nadia was bolder than me. She teased me with her mouth immediately. Her tongue and teeth skimming my skin so that my heartbeat hard and heavy in my temples. I licked my lips, waiting. Matt stroked my ass like I was his prize mare. The possessive nature of the motion made me even wetter. I could feel the slip and slide of moisture between my legs. He felt it too when he slipped a finger in my cunt just as Nadia found my nether lips with her mouth, my clit with her tongue.

  My back bowed from the double stimulation. My shoulders shaking already from the effort of holding myself up. “I want…” I broke off as she licked searing circles and lines around my pussy lips.

  “What do you want?” His voice was soft, his fingers on my spine softer.