sommer marsden learning to drown-CALIBRE Read online

  Lucas watched me. Not a lazy gaze, no shred of being smug. He watched me intently as if studying to remember something for later. The tilt of my head, the angle of my neck, the way my hair fanned out and my bangs fell in my eyes. He seemed to tick off the points one by one with his intent gaze. It made me feel pretty. Spectacular. Important. Had Damien ever really seen me when he looked at me? Now I wondered. And how much of other people did I see when I looked?

  I watched the scar below his wrist as he flexed his fingers one more time, wringing the very last swell of pleasure from me. His forearms bulged below the pale blue sweatshirt that must have seen a thousand washings. His eyes had gone from intense coffee brown to damn near black and there appeared to be green flecks in there with the gold. More than anything I was fixated on that scar in his eyebrow. How had he gotten it? Would it feel good to him if I ran my tongue over it? Would he make noises like I made or be more stoic?

  His mouth came down on mine even as he pulled his hand free and tucked the sweatpants up over my hipbones. His hands pinned me in when he leaned on the seat. Lucas pushed between my thighs with his body. Holding my face. “Do you just like to dress up and play or are you for real?”

  I paused, thinking. I had always thought I was for real. I truly got off on the thought of being abducted. Used, abused and kept against my will. Playing it out with Damien had worked at first, but then it hadn’t. Too much orchestration and requesting on my part. Then Damien let me be hauled off, possibly leaving me for dead. Obviously that was the end.

  I chewed my lip and Lucas sat back on his haunches. So patient. So very, very calm on the outside. Like a lake on a still day--no ripples or waves. Nothing to betray whatever was underneath and deep down in the darkest depths. “Well?”

  “I don’t…know. The first time it was great. I told him and he did it.”

  “And then he fucked you and you came hard. More than once, I bet.” His finger tugged the simple gray ties that fell from the neck of the sweatshirt I wore. His fingers tucked back in my pants and he touched me again. His finger pressed my clit until my breath felt too big for my body. He pulled a bit harder on the ties and the hood cinched up around my neck in a loose lasso.

  “Yeah. More than once and harder than ever.” I leaned forward, seeking a kiss or just his closeness? I wasn’t sure. “But then the next time…” I shrugged.

  “You didn’t get off?” Lucas watched every flicker, every twitch. He circled his finger and I tried to keep my breathing steady. I failed, my breath coming in short bursts as I tried not to raise up to meet his hand but sit and let him do what he wanted. He hardly blinked.

  “I did get off. I did. But when I told him--”

  Lucas tugged the strings a bit harder and the hood gathered tighter. The way he pulled it like a rein set me off. His fingers slipped into my pussy as a whole new want rushed through me. A fresh rush of need. I tilted my hips and he stroked my G-spot. I tried not to think, tried to just feel. Lucas said, “Did you always tell him when you wanted it? Was this like a scheduled event?”

  “Well…” What was the right answer here? My brain was between my legs. When he was touching me, nothing else registered in my head. His thumb pressed me and his fingers delved deeper. What had I done wrong? How does your lover know if you don’t say? “I cannot expect him to read my mind. I had to tell him. And then he could do it.”

  He let the strings go, laughing softly. His hand slipped free and I made a little sound in my throat. “Don’t you see what you were doing, babe?”

  “What? What have I been doing?” I wondered what he would say if I asked him to pull those strings again. Touch me some more. Tug until the strings bit into my neck just enough to scare me.

  “You have been dominating him. By telling him to do it. By giving him a schedule. And sweetheart, if he was doing it your way, then…” Lucas shrugged his big shoulders and my eyes returned to the scar in his brow. I leaned forward, running my tongue along the pale pale sliver of skin.

  Lucas froze but I swore I heard his breathing change. Lucas grabbed my upper arms, pulled me away. “Why did you do that?” His eyes were all over me again, studying.

  “I don’t know. I wanted to. I mean, I have wanted to for a while and…”

  “And?” His fingers bit into my skin and my pulse jacked up. Excitement beat at the base of my throat. Between my legs.

  “I thought you would like it.” I held my breath.

  “Listen to me. Are you listening?” His voice was gruff but his eyes had gone an amber whiskey shade that belied some profound emotion. Something I had triggered?

  “Yes. I’m listening. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. But listen to me. Shh.” His finger settled on my lips to quiet me and I could smell my own scent on his skin. I bit my tongue to keep it in my mouth. I had to because I could picture licking his finger until he drove his cock home right between my legs. Right where he had left me wet and aching for another release. When I shifted in the chair, I felt him hard against my leg. My knee bumped his hard-on and my heart jumped. He clenched his jaw, in total control. Unruffled. “You were in the driver seat by telling him when you wanted your game. You weren’t submitting to him. You were dominating him.”

  I opened my mouth even though his finger stayed put. Lucas shook his head no, hair falling over his forehead. I managed silence, a minor miracle for me when I’m nervous.

  “Submitting is about letting go. Losing yourself.” His lips found my chin, his teeth touched me there. So far away and yet so close to my lips. He tugged that string again and the hood started to close in on my throat. It didn’t take much before the cotton was binding the thin skin above my pulse. “It’s like learning to drown. Letting go even when you think you might disappear. Can you do that?”

  “I don’t know.” I said it automatically, so it was the truth.

  Lucas approved. He kissed me softly and sat back again. “Do you want to find out or are you happy with your merry housewife bondage games?”

  “I’m not a housewife,” I stammered.

  Lucas frowned.

  “Sorry. I mean I’m afraid.”

  He nodded, watching me so intensely I felt like my skin may go up in flames if he looked any harder. “Being afraid is normal. But what do you feel? In here.” He touched over my heart. My chest jumped under his fingers. “And here.” Again, he pressed his big palm to my pussy and gave my clit the slightest pressure with the heel of his hand.

  “I feel yes. I feel excited. I feel like…” Here is where I lost my nerve and stopped.

  But Lucas was having none of it. He leaned in and tugged the strings tighter until it bit into my throat with a sharp pinch. “Like what, September?”

  “Like you’ll help me.” If I was stupid for saying it, so be it. How I felt was no more stupid than being locked in a box in my panties.

  Just then a phone rang. The distinct tune of the Commodores’ Brick House. “Is that my phone?” I looked around. I felt scattered but I wasn’t sure why.

  “Yeah. It was in lover boy’s cab. I grabbed it before I left the truck at the impound. Do you know the ring?” Lucas stood, grabbed the phone from the counter. No movement was wasted with him.

  “It’s Damien. It’s his ring,“ I said. Why was he calling? To save me?

  Lucas answered. “Yeah?” He frowned, clenching his fists. Damien should be grateful he wasn‘t here. “No. It’s not hers anymore,” Lucas said. His voice soft and dangerous. The sound of quiet controlled rage.

  Damien’s voice blared through the tiny cell phone speaker. I tiptoed closer on the cold tile floor. I leaned into Lucas, feeling pretty much dwarfed by him. He wasn‘t that much bigger than me, he just felt it.

  “What the fuck, man? Where are you? Who is this? Where is Ember?”

  “Who? The girl? She’s gone.” Lucas’s eyes found mine. He gave me a once over. His eyes were not smiling but they were warm.

  “What do you mean gone? Are you the guy she hired to take
her tonight? And my truck? Are you?” So much in Damien’s voice. Anger, confusion, fear, rage, annoyance and of course, petulance.

  “Look man¾”

  Damien was yelling. All I could hear were jumbled words between all the yelling. I heard the word truck more than one.

  “Yes, for real. I took your truck for real.”

  “But this is a joke!” I heard that as clear as a bell. “She set it up!”

  “It’s no joke, my friend, and she set up nothing.”

  “But…aren’t you the guy she hired to take her!” Damien demanded again, willing Lucas to say yes. I could tell. I heard the fear in his voice then. The slow realization that yes his truck was gone and now so was I.

  Lucas shrugged, grinned. Nearly malicious but entirely confident. Sexy as hell. “No one hired me to take her, man. But I did. And she’s safe. But she’s mine now. She doesn‘t want to talk to you. Tell him.” He put the phone to my mouth.

  Without thinking I said “Goodbye, Damien. We’re done.”

  “See? Bye Damien,” Lucas said and flipped the phone closed.

  Chapter 7

  “But safe is relative,“ Lucas said and dropped the phone on the table.

  So much swirled in my head. More thoughts bombarded when his large hand clamped over my wrist. He turned me and I moved with him. Lucas gathered both of my hands in one of his larger hands. His skin warm, his touch none too gentle. “You weren’t planning on going anywhere, were you, little girl?” His mouth pressed to my ear, his stubble tugging at my hair. He yanked up just enough to steal my breath and make me yelp.

  “No. I…” I tried to process and could not. Was this for real? Was he playing with me or was he serious? How did I feel if he was? I couldn’t think my pulse was slamming so hard. My head went light, my body hummed with fear and want.

  Lucas kneed my legs apart from behind. Kicked my feet out further with his boot. His movements not violent but firm. “Let’s see. I can answer my own question.” His voice was sandpaper. His tone abrupt. More fear snaked over my skin and I shivered. He pushed his free hand down the back of my sweats and briefly trailed a finger along the split of my bottom. I made a sound in my throat. Then with precise brutality, he pushed his finger into me from behind. “You’re really, really wet, sweetheart.” I knew I was but him saying it so loud in his little kitchen made it that much dirtier. That much more shameful.

  I hung my head.

  Lucas pushed his mouth to my nape so hard it hurt. He flexed his finger in my pussy while his thumb ran over the tight circle of my anus. I stopped breathing as he continued to stroke. “Because you’re a little slut.”

  The word worked into me like some dark smoke. More fluid between my thighs. The wet hot apex of my legs. There was no way to hide it from him. He laughed softly and began slow even thrusts with his fingers. Fucking me with his hard fingers. “Say it, then. Say it, slut. Tell me what you are.”

  “I’m…” I couldn’t. I wanted to but couldn’t. My heart was in my ears, my vision blurry from unshed tears. My body clenched up around him and he wiggled his fingers showing me that I could not hide.

  “You’re what? It’s time to be brave. Time to drown. Nobody’s here but you and me and your secret that’s not an actual secret any more. What are you, September? Tell me. Say it.” He pushed just the tip of his thumb into my ass, flexed his fingers so I shook inside the half circle of his arms. I felt him smile against my cheek. He breathed in my ear like the big bad wolf.

  Lucas was pushing me. It was a big enough push that I dropped my head, my body converged in a pinpoint of pleasure and pain where he touched me. “I’m a slut.”

  He bit me hard, not tempering himself at all. I waited to feel blood on my skin but it never came. Lucas breathed against me, “Good, good girl.”

  His hand came free of my pants. And he hustled me forward. Fast enough that I stumbled to keep from falling. Lucas pushed me forward through the living room and up the steps. Prodding me with hard motion like a prisoner. Which technically, I realized with a surge of genuine fear, I was.

  * * * *

  They weren’t cuffs and for that I was grateful. I’d had enough of cuffs thanks ever so much. But they were restraints and a fresh anxiety filled me, my throat tight. He let me use the bathroom but then he smiled and said, “Off with the sweats. Put these on. They’re clean. I ran them while you were in the shower.”

  I only hesitated for a moment. In for a penny, in for a pound. I shucked the shapeless clothes and pulled my green panties on. They were slightly damp in the back but I didn’t say. I put the bra on and snapped it in the front while he watched. Then I waited-- goose bumped and shivering just a bit. The cold, the nerves, his eyes on me, it was all too much for me.

  “Go on. Climb on the bed, slut.” His tone matter of fact like he was saying my name. I climbed onto the bed eyeing the dark purple ties. He caught me. Grunted. “Nothing to be scared off. Nice high count cotton. I just knot you in and give you a good amount of motion. Tonight will be both wrists and both ankles. If you’re good, I’ll give you some more slack. Another night.”

  With easy, measured motions Lucas tied my right wrist to the headboard, then my left. I’d still be able to sleep on my side the way I liked. I wanted to kiss him for that. I wasn’t a back or belly sleeper. I always awoke curled in a comma shape on my side like I was protecting myself while I slept. He stroked his fingers on my ankle before tying me. Touched the arch of my foot so I danced for him. My motions inadvertently testing my bonds. They were tight but he’d given the promised slack. The thought of being tied for real filled me with uncertainty. I nearly came apart right there. Instead, I swallowed it and watched him move to my other ankle.

  “I like to see the ties on your skin,” he said. His voice so soft I strained to hear his voice. Even with the room quiet but for the tick of a small clock on the dresser. I was in the guest room. Truth be told, the fact that Lucas would be in another room scared me more than anything. Why was he leaving me?

  “Thank you.” It felt right to say it. He met my eyes, gave a half smile. By body responded with a warming tingle to the small gesture. There was nothing I could do to keep it from him. I was powerless if he wanted to look.

  Lucas moved over me, his breath on my face. His fingers, beat up and brutish, pinched my nipples. I forced my body to be still. I wanted to rise up to meet his hand but some part of me was starting to understand what was expected of me. And what was not. I watched, him, feeling each heartbeat between my legs. Lucas laid his warm palm on the flat of my belly above my navel. My cunt so ready the tempo in my pelvis ticked off each skip of my heart. I knew just by looking at him that he would do absolutely nothing about that now. He would leave me this way. Which was the point.

  I was fragile under his fingers. Artfully broken of will. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see his handprint branded there on my skin. Lucas shocked me by dropping to his knees, eyes level with my belly. He pulled my panties back and blew over my shaved pussy and the tops of my thighs. Little puffs of air rained down on me when he spoke. “If you behave, you’ll get a little more freedom every day. A little more reward. Do you trust me?”

  He had asked me earlier and I’d failed. Now I overruled all my normal self doubt. I answered from instinct alone. “Yes.”

  “Yes, what?”

  “Yes, Sir,” I said.

  I was rewarded with one light caress. His hand slid from navel to clit. He pressed me there. Not hard, not soft-just a firm, even revolution. Like pressing a button to open a door or work a lock or turn on a machine. Wetness graced the insides of my thighs and I considered pleading with him. Begging this beautiful, silent man to fuck me right there in his cozy, neat guest bed. Take me like I had no choice. I shook my head.

  Instead I just shut my eyes and tried not to disintegrate. Lucas dropped one kiss directly in the hollow between my hipbones. The sensation shot straight to my pussy and up through my chest like a ray of light. “Good night, my beautiful slut,
” he said. “I like new toys.”

  He raised his head and gave a short whistle. The behemoth, Daisy, came barreling up the hall. Her claws clattering on the hardwood floor. I’d forgotten all about her as scary as she was. “Lay,” he said and the horse sized canine dropped in the doorway like a hundred pound stone.

  “She’ll let me know if you try to get out. And she won’t like it either.”

  I believed him. When I looked at Daisy she bared her teeth. Daisy was not a fan of mine, to say the least.

  “Call me if you need something. But make sure you really need it,” he said. His dark eyes almost black again. “Do you understand? Don’t call me because you’re cold. There are blankets next to you and you have enough play to get them on. And don’t call me because you’re scared. If you call me for something stupid, there will be a punishment. There will be a price either way, if you happen to call me. But if it’s not a necessity, it’s a punishment. Do you understand?” He repeated.

  I nodded, trying to ignore the little hairs on my arms that stood on end. I tried to ignore how I had to pee and how my bowels felt watery from anxiety. All the horrible possibilities flitted through my head. Appendicitis, stomach virus, vomiting, peeing, dying. God, what if I died tied to this bed? What a disaster that would be. The blood drained from my face and I wanted to ask him to help me. To make me feel better.

  “Good thing you’re laying down, you look like you might faint.”

  I barely nodded. Freaking out would do no good. In the pit of my stomach I know that if I asked he’d let me go. I was sure of it. Mostly.

  He gave me one small kiss on the lips. It warmed me briefly like a goodnight prayer. He brushed the bangs out of my eyes. “Remember what I said. Like learning to drown. Like giving up. Total loss of control. You can do it, September. Be a good little girl and go to sleep. You’ve had a long day. And tomorrow is going to be longer, but in a very different way.”