sommer marsden learning to drown-CALIBRE Read online

  Lucas sat back, looking smug for a moment. Almost proud, I thought. Of himself? Of me? “I asked you the question, September. I want you to answer me.”

  I tossed a bit of scrambled egg into my mouth. My appetite was gone but I faked it. “I have a shrink.” I swigged my coffee, burned my tongue.

  “I don’t want to be your shrink. I want to be your confessor.” Lucas put his hand on mine. It felt like it could crush me even though his touch was gentle. It soothed me and scared me too.

  “No one put anything on me. I’m fine. I just get off on abduction.” I lied through my teeth, ate my eggs. Tasted nothing.

  “Ah. So, you never had unfair responsibility heaped upon you. Never daydreamed of ending up in the hospital to get a break. Or death. Or illness. None of the things they say those who are too burdened and relied upon dream about. The loss of your power, being at mercy has nothing to do with being in charge of too damn much?”

  I shook my head even as my eyes filled with tears. I’d signed on for the game. And the fucking. But not for this. I didn’t need this at all. “I’m fine.”

  “Oh, I know you are. Because you make sure to be fine. Explains why you could just drop that man, as useless as he is, without a second thought. No talking or working it out or sharing your feelings. Most women want to share the shit out of their feelings. You just dropped him like a hot potato, right?”

  I swallowed around the knot in my throat. My eggs wanted to come back up but I steeled myself. “He was a dick. He is a dick.”

  “Agreed. But most women would have to have their final say or explain. Something. Not you, you just¾” He scraped his palms together in that age old pantomime for washing your hands of something. “Called it off.”

  “I did. And it’s because of who he is and not who I am.”

  “That is never the case.”

  “Let’s say it is.”

  “I can’t force you. At least not on this thing.”

  “I know,” I said. Random images of him fucking me while I sprawled bound on his stark white sheets. Let it go. Let it be. Please…I cleared my throat. “Please don’t,” I amended.

  He ran his finger over the back of my hand until I had to readjust in my seat. “Tell me something, September. Something about why you would surrender yourself to that douche bag.”

  “But you said I wasn’t surrendering,” I breathed. It did feel tainted somehow now that I‘d seen Lucas in action. Now that I had had a little taste of real submission. Seen the difference in the two men and the two acts.

  He laughed. “Not really, no. But in your head and in your heart you were. You thought you were which is the very same thing on many levels.”

  “I don’t know. I just wanted things to be…” I tried to find the words but they were gone. They had all vanished with the bluster and anger.

  “Easier?” Lucas had my wrists in his finger now. His long thin fingers forming flesh and blood cuffs around my joints.

  “Yes.”

  “On someone else’s shoulders?”

  “Yes.”

  “Will you do what I tell you when I tell you?”

  I didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

  “Even if it scares you or hurts your feelings or you don’t understand it at the moment?”

  I did wait for single heartbeat. Long enough to take stock of how he made me feel. “Yes.”

  He nodded. “Eat up. You’re going to work with me.”

  Chapter 12

  I didn’t ask him why. Already, I’d figured out that asking Lucas why anything was a waste of time. Because, that was why. It had been a struggle to not ask him about that scar. Due to my fixation on it, it felt important. It was the chink in his armor. The sign that he was fallible. The scar held some secret about why he was the way he was. I’d swallowed the question and finished my breakfast. Wondering all the while why in the world an obviously accomplished Repo man would drag me to work with him. Surely it would bungle the job.

  I tried to picture myself stealthily getting into cars that needed to be repossessed. It was enough to make me laugh. I washed my dish, set it in the drainer and the doorbell rang. I froze. What should I do? Did the game apply to other people? Was I a visitor or a hostage? I stood at the counter, heart pounding, not breathing.

  Lucas was talking. His voice a oxymoron. Smoothly rough, harshly gentle. I smiled and tried to hear what was being said.

  “September, come in here,” Lucas called. Did he know I was trying to hear? I hurried toward the living room but inside of me I wanted to stall. There I stood in my frumpy clothes, staring at the second best looking guy I’d ever seen. They had to be related.

  “September, this is my brother, Matthew. Matthew, this is Ember.”

  Matthew gave me the once over and laughed. “Half brother, actually. God knows I wouldn’t want to claim him. And you, I take it these are for you?” He thrust a bag at me. Silver and white with red letters The Scarlet Letter. Inside were jeans, a black sweater, boots. A smaller bag was tucked inside of that bag. It contained a bra and a pair of panties.

  “I guessed at the sizes,” Lucas said. The brothers exchanged a look and I felt my face blaze with heat. Did Matthew know who I was? Why I was here? “Why don’t you go on up and get dressed.” Lucas said. His smile told me he knew what was going through my head.

  I nodded. Started out of the room. “It was nice to meet you,” I called to Matthew.

  He tipped me a wink, rocked back on the heels of his work boots. “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll be here when you come back. I’m coming with you guys.”

  His eyes took stock of me and Lucas watched his brother. There was a charge in the air I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Just an inch shy of being eye to eye with his brother, Matthew Crow’s hair was even longer and shaggier. His eyes were a lighter shade of whiskey and the flecks within were blue. I’d bet when he was angry his eyes turned the same color as dried leaves. His lips were a bit thinner, face a bit more severe, his mouth wider. His voice was softer but had an underlying cruelty.

  “Ember?”

  “Yes, sorry?”

  “Go get dressed, Ember,” Lucas said and I bolted. My bare feet hissed on the hardwood like they were telling secrets.

  Halfway up the steps I heard Matthew. “So, bro, is that your new toy? I like her. She’s the best one yet. So, let’s talk…”

  * * * *

  I must’ve passed muster because when I came down both men gave me the once over. Both nodded with satisfaction. And then Lucas scared the shit out of me, he said, “This is a big one. It’ll take all three of us. So you, you are the bait and you ride with Matthew.”

  Shit.

  “Okay.” I said, dying inside.

  “How are the clothes? You look good.” He dropped me a secretive look when he said it and my insides flooded with a warm feeling that only he seemed to trigger.

  “They’re good. The jeans are a little tight. But they fit,” I added, quickly. All the while my mind raced. I was to ride with Matthew. What would I do? What would I say? How much did Matthew Crow know about his brother’s sexual habits and had Lucas filled him in on me? I hoped he had and I feared he had. It was a tie.

  My body felt torqued up, full of nervous energy. Kinetic.

  “Too tight jeans? No such animal.” Lucas offered his hand and I took it. “You and Matthew are decoys. This is going to be difficult. The guy has a very nice red Mustang. He also has an eagle eye and he parks his baby right outside his office window. That’s where you and my brother come in. So tart it up. Take his cues. Got it?”

  I nodded even though I was having a really hard time processing the plan. Decoy? Tart it up? My stomach bottomed out. What if I fucked it up? Lucas grinned and smacked my ass hard while his brother watched. Matthew shook his head in mock disgust. My already bruised skin resonated with a dull pain that sharply turned to satisfaction. I sighed before I could catch myself.

  “Stop groping her and let’s go,” Matthew said from the doorway. He di
d an up and down of me, grinning. From the toes of my black boots to my smoothed blonde hair, wrangled into a messy pony tail. “Nice,” he growled and then sauntered out the front door like he owned the world.

  * * * *

  Lucas watched the look Matthew got with Ember. He saw the way his brother tracked her every movement. It was the same way the old man had taught them to track the animals when they were kids. When the old man was around, that was. Even the most skittish deer could be lulled into a peaceful death, he would say. Just be careful. Move slow. Be quiet. No sudden movements. Patience was a virtue. Funny coming from a man who thought that a good punch in the face could spur his eldest into action and obedience. Either way, he had taught them well with tracking and hunting. And that was where Matthew was headed. He had it in his mind that September was up for grabs. He would be shocked to know that this time, Lucas wasn’t so keen on his brother’s participation.

  Lucas gave him a pointed look and Matthew looked down before stalking out onto the front porch like the king of the world he thought himself to be. His half brother wasn’t used to being denied. Especially by Lucas. And Lucas rarely kept things from Matthew that Matthew wanted. A nasty side effect of having a fucked up childhood and a wandering parent who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants.

  They hadn’t met until Lucas was fifteen and Matthew thirteen. Then Matthew’s mother, Noah Crow’s mistress from his youth, had dropped Matthew off with a small suitcase and a note. “He’s yours now” it read. And that was it.

  Noah, a long haul trucker who was rarely at home, had handed the note to Lucas and said only, “Congratulations. It’s a boy.” And then he’d headed out on a two week trek in his rig.

  Lucas watched him go, unsure of how much he would tell his brother. Or how far he’d be willing to go this time. He didn’t seem himself passing Ember off like a broken toy he was done with. Or offering her up as a prize to Matthew. He’d have to play it by ear. His brother was the closest thing to love he had in his life. But things had changed a bit. Rapidly. He didn’t like it at all.

  “Ready?”

  Ember smiled. “Not really, but I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

  “That’ll do,” he said and locked the front door after them.

  * * * *

  “Did my brother fill you in on what we need to do?”

  I nodded. I tried to sound sure of myself. “He said we were the decoys. But I don’t know what that means.” I stared straight ahead feeling Matthew Crow’s eyes on me. Even in my peripheral vision I could see him grin. It was an entirely wolfish grin.

  His big hand slammed down on my thigh and I yelped. “We are to play it up, my girl. You and I are lovers who are not going to be getting along very well today. The clothes were for you because Lucas said you didn’t have any. And they’re meant to be sort of revealing.” He rubbed my leg. My heart beat fast with fear, my cunt with lust. He reached over and easily popped two of the four buttons on the sweater. “Revealing,” he repeated.

  I glanced down at myself, tit shoved high and more than half exposed, tight jeans, high black leather boots. “Revealing or slutty?”

  “Yes,” he said, sliding his hand a little higher on my leg. His thumb a mere sweep from touching my now thumping clit. “You were not what I expected at all when Lucas said he had one of his visitors.”

  I wanted to shift to get him to move his hand, but was afraid the movement would be misinterpreted. I wanted him to move his hand away. Didn’t I? Even I wasn’t sure. I shut my eyes tight, whispered, “Wouldn’t he mind you touching me that way?”

  When I opened my eyes he was staring at me. The same hard penetrating gaze his brother had. He turned into a parking lot and parked. “Are you serious?”

  “What?” My face colored with embarrassment. There was something I didn’t know.

  “You’re serious? How long have you been staying with Luke?”

  “Just overnight. Why?” His hand was still there, high on my jeans. His fingertips mere inches from the top of my thigh. A violent need to be touched washed over me and I gritted my teeth, determined to ignore it.

  “You don’t know then?” Matthew leaned close. He was so imposing and huge, but fast. His lips trapped mine for a moment and his tongue slid between my lips. I was so surprised I didn’t react until he was pulling back. “No. He would not mind at all,” Matthew said and opened his door.

  He was out of the car before I could even close my mouth.

  Chapter 13

  “Look, you dumb bitch, don’t make me get physical!” Matthew bent and hit me in the belly with his shoulder. Not as hard as it appeared to others, thankfully. He stood, me slung over him, screeching and caterwauling like a cat.

  God, I prayed that no one called the cops. I could see Lucas out on the lot pop the door on the Mustang. Then he was hooking the sleek ride up to his truck as I kicked out and connected with Matthew Crow’s thigh. Hard. Harder than I had intended. But I kicked him again for good measure and as payback for making me feel like a lunatic in his car. For touching me that way and making me even more confused than I’d already been.

  “Good thing for you I like it rough, too,” he said so that only I could hear. Then he smacked me on the ass and turned his head and bit me. His teeth sunk in deep, his bite really hard. Even through brand new denim it stung like a snake had clamped down on my leg.

  “Ow! Goddammit!” I screamed. Good show we were putting on but it really hurt.

  Lucas’s head swiveled and behind his dark sunglasses he looked annoyed and angry. He shielded his eyes glaring at us.

  Matthew bit me again and I let loose with another yell, head tossed back to the bright blue sky. My pussy thumped and grew slicker. My body hummed with confusion. A dreadful mix of arousal, attraction, terror. I squirmed, my pelvic bone connecting with Matthew’s shoulder. “He’s going to fuck you senseless when he sees my teeth mark on you,” Matthew hissed and he turned so that our combined profile blocked the car from the office window. We had planted ourselves right in front of C. Michael Ritter’s office and had set about creating one hell of a spectacle.

  Lucas, started the chain and the Mustang’s nose bobbed up. He gave us a thumbs up. Then, heart racing, body still shaking with adrenaline, I saw him motion to Matthew with a slash across the throat pantomime. Matthew put me down and I wobbled on my feet. My inner ear tried valiantly to make the world steady and when it did I glared at Lucas’s bratty brother. He glared back but then he grinned. Licked his lips. Leaned in, his mouth coming at mine.

  And I clocked him.

  * * * *

  “You really shouldn’t have hit him,” Lucas said. He sounded displeased and I instinctively wanted to apologize to him. I didn’t.

  I watched the busy people walking through the lobby. In and out and up and down. In the elevator. Off the elevator. People on cell phones and people holding papers and people reading while they walked. The lobby with its steel accents, gray color scheme and red accents was charming and modern. A nice place. But why were we here?

  “He bit me,” I reminded Lucas. “Hard.” My skin still throbbed and rippled with pain where Matthew had gone all wolf man on me. Matthew stood by the restroom entrances, glowering like a surly teenager. He wasn’t happy that Lucas had come and taken his new toy away. Me.

  “I know. But it couldn’t have been any worse than your spanking. And Matthew tends to get carried away when he’s excited. And you excite him.”

  “Lucky me.”

  “Yes and no. Matthew has good taste. A girl of mine he doesn’t covet is a girl who isn’t worth my time.”

  I bristled at the word covet but only because it made my insides go loose and hot for him. And his brother. “Great. I’m coveted. Next the plague and locusts will descend. He bites me and you defend him? That is rich.” I snorted, rolled my eyes. Anticipation and annoyance warred in me. I was simply a mess.

  “Watch yourself, Ember. Behave,” he said. Lucas pulled me in and my heart sped up. Maybe he w
ould kiss me. Right here in the bright, crisp lobby of the office building where Ritter worked. Ritter’s repossessed car around the corner secured to the big ass tow truck that Lucas drove.

  “I’m sorry.” Those words were becoming second nature to me. “I¾what is that?” Lucas did kiss me but only for a second. Barely long enough for my lips to register the subtle warm brush of his mouth over mine. My tongue peeked out, seeking more but he pulled back and clipped something over my ear.

  “That is an earpiece. It has a pretty high powered microphone on it, believe it or not.” He smiled. Mischief in his eyes.

  “What’s it for?” I ran my fingers along the sleek curve of the small piece of plastic. It was so light, I barely knew it was there but for touching it. “Do we have another….mission?” Christ, now I sounded like an astronaut. “I mean, is there another car here?”

  “Nope, no other cars. But I guess you could say you have another mission. He laughed. He flipped up his flannel shirt in the back and pulled out a brown paper bag. It had been rolled so that a very narrow length of brown paper was given to me. “This is for you.” I started to unroll it. “I wouldn’t open that here,” Lucas said.

  “Why?” I touched the bag and all I could feel was something long and hard. It had a slight swell at one end and I stroked it some more, trying to identify the contents. I had never been any good at this game.

  “Trust me.” He leaned in and thumbed the ear piece. He showed me his cell. “I can hear you through this. And Matthew can hear you through his.”

  I looked to Matthew and he grinned at me. Something in that grin made my fingers and toes go numb and tingly. His smile was predatory at best. He gave me a nod and watched a tall brunette saunter past and slip into the ladies’ lounge door. Matthew caught me looking and waggled his eyebrows at me, stuck out his tongue. I quickly dropped my gaze. “What is going on? Please tell me? You’re scaring me. Is this something to do with the repo?”