sommer marsden learning to drown-CALIBRE Read online

  Then his hands came down on my throat, crisscrossed, his fingers forming a fat X. My eyes flew wide, I could feel them. I could feel that cool air of the room stinging the whites of my eyes I was so very scared. “I—”

  “Shh, listen to me. I want you to come again. I want you to trust me and I want you to come. You have to trust me,” Lucas said and he started to move.

  “He won’t hurt you,” Matthew said quietly.

  “Shut up, brother,” Lucas said, his eyes never leaving me.

  I nodded and felt the fingers dent the flesh of my throat. Felt my pulse banging in my neck because it was trapped under his fingers. Lucas moved faster, deeper, his movements more aggressive. He was taking me and he would be the one to control my air. He would be the one to determine how much I could have and if I had enough.

  Little white dots crowded my vision and beyond that the sight of his face filled my field of vision. The orgasm that snuck up on me was sweet and profound and ripped through me like a sudden summer storm. Lucas’s hands stayed firm around my throat, letting through just enough air that I did not pass out and when I gave into that orgasm he gave into his.

  I laid there, his hands on my throat, trusting a man I’d just met to know how much air I needed. Talk about learning to drown.

  Chapter 22

  I heard Matthew come. The sound he made, deep down in his throat like a grunt, was the same as the day before. A thrill unwound in my belly at knowing he had witnessed my dismantling, my confession and then my surrender. For once since I’d known him, Matthew turned and left the room. Yanking up his jeans as he went, his back to us. Gone.

  Lucas bent his head to kiss me. He rested his forehead to mine, those dark eyes of his studying me like I was some fascinating creature. I kissed the tip of his nose, touched the scar at his jaw and then the one in his eyebrow. He sighed. Staring me down. His pulse jumping at his throat. Then he turned his head to the door. “Matty!” Lucas yelled.

  Matthew stuck his head through the door, interested but annoyed. “Yeah?”

  “You’re in charge for a few days. All repos are yours. Keep the boat floating.”

  Matthew frowned. “Where are you going?”

  “Look, if you can’t handle it…” Lucas said.

  “I can handle it fine, but where are you going?”

  “I’m taking a few days off. I’m taking my abducted and abducting her up to the cabin.”

  Matthew disappeared without another word.

  “The cabin?” I said. My heart jumped to my throat but my body warmed to him. He was still pressed flat to me, just barely keeping his body from crushing mine. I felt safe and suffocated, caged and adored. There was no figuring it out.

  “Yep. My father didn’t give us much but there is a cabin. For when he went deer hunting. It was supposed to start as a simple deer stand, but he kept going and a cabin was born. Pack your stuff,” he said, no question in his tone. All command.

  I stared at him. “What stuff?”

  Lucas grinned and my heart seized up for a moment. It twisted sideways in my chest and I wished for all the world that Lucas Crow loved me. That he could love me, that this could be more than a game. But I didn’t see that happening. I would not pass muster with a man like him. Not in the long run.

  “Good point,” he said and kissed my nose. “Take a quick shower and then we’ll hit the store. We’ll get you some stuff and get gone.”

  “Why are we going?” I asked.

  “We have some stuff to figure out. At least, I do. And since you’re mine, you come with.” He tucked my breasts back in my bra, wrapped one hand around my throat for just a heartbeat. Just enough to remind me of that fuzzy, liquid orgasm. And then he left.

  I took my shower wondering what it was that he needed to figure out. And how I could figure out my own life.

  * * * *

  “I thought you weren’t sure you wanted to share me,” I said quietly when Lucas piloted his pickup truck down the bumpy dirt access road his house sat on.

  “I didn’t share you, did I?” He’d left the tow truck with his brother along with an emergency number in case Matthew couldn’t get through on cell.

  “Well…not technically…but—”

  He shrugged his big shoulders, taking a left and heading toward the mall. I needed everything. Barring some panties and bras and one slut outfit, I had nothing. “I guess it was my way of compromising. He got to be involved, included once more. With me and with you, but he didn’t get to touch. He didn’t get to fuck you or anything else. No touching. Right?” I nodded and he went on. “Matthew and I have done this fucked up sharing thing for ages now. It was fun and almost a competition. We had our toys and usually the women got off on the brother angle. It was a win-win situation. But then you came along.” He bunched up his jaw as I studied him.

  Here. At this moment. This was something he did not want to tell me. So, of course it would drive me insane, the wanting to know. “And?” The impatience in my voice was audible even to me.

  He laughed softly but shook his head. “And it’s different. That’s why we’re going off. We’re going to figure this out. You’re going to figure if you want to stay with you quote unquote jailer.” Lucas cocked a thumb at his own chest. “And I’m going to figure out just what the fuck is going on in my own head.”

  We hit the highway and he let the windows down just a touch. Just enough to lift and tangle my hair. The rushing hiss of air through the truck was white noise between us. “Doesn’t you being my jailor take my choice away?” I said. We were quiet just long enough for me to feel antsy and I watched the trees and other cars fly by. He finally spoke when I was ready to scream or cry, it was a toss-up.

  “Not in this instance, September. This is a weird fucking situation and we’ll have to look at it the same as a voluntary committal.”

  I snorted, tossing my head back. “Oh, god! Now you’re calling me insane.”

  “Both of us,” he said. “If you’re crazy, I’m right there with you. Let’s go get you some clothes. You’ll need some warm stuff for the cabin. No central heat there. Just woodstove, fireplace and man heat.”

  I shivered at the last, hearing the joking tone but still instantly thinking of him entering me. Over me. Fucking me. “Got it. Can I get some wool socks? I am a wool sock addict. Especially if I’m going where it’s cold.”

  “Sure thing, sister. It’s on me.”

  “I can pay you back.” I said it fast and anxious. I wanted him to know that I didn’t expect anything from him. I could pay my own way.

  Lucas glared at me, brown eyes flashing almost topaz in the afternoon sun. “I said it’s on me.”

  I swallowed, catching the tone and the gaze and on some levels the need for him to do this for me. “Got it. Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

  “Of course,” he grinned and I felt a small slide of warmth in the crotch of my panties. He was turning me on just talking to me in the cab of his truck. I was dumbstruck, awestruck, love struck. The last one scared me some. I wasn’t ready to love anyone. Maybe not ever. “That does mean I have a say in your clothes. Especially the skivvies.”

  I got out and he took my elbow as we walked. Not guiding me or pulling me or even propelling me. Just touching me, that was all. “Lucas?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Why is this different? You keep saying this is different?” I held my breath, waiting, hoping, praying that he would tell me. Even Matthew had said those words. Had told me I was different.

  I didn’t believe it. I was too afraid to believe it, truth be told.

  “Come on. We can talk about that later. I want to get you set up and get on the road. I’d like to be at the cabin before dark. It’s been closed up for a while.”

  * * * *

  Lucas watched her walk, watched her stroke the jeans around her like they were the finest garments. He had to smile, the way her slender hands tickled over the varying shades of denim. She finally settled on a medium wash. Not so dark th
ey looked brand new, not so pale they were out of date. The perfect distress worn-in and loved color of blue. She held them up and he nodded.

  “They’re kind of loose,” Ember whispered, glancing down at the black jeans Matthew had bought for her. They were the trouser equivalent of a tight leather glove. They fit her like a second skin.

  Lucas kept his voice even but he really wanted to laugh. “Well, I do love the ones you have on, but I like to know what’s in them without seeing every detail from the outside. A little mystery. Plus, baby, I know what lies beneath.” An older woman by his shoulder let out an amused little chuckle and Lucas fought a smile.

  He watched Ember’s cheeks flood with a rush of color and she nodded. “Okay, got it. These?” She held up three identical thermals. Red, black and snow white.

  “Hurry up,” he said. "Try them on. You still need sweaters and underthings and your socks. And boots.”

  “Boots!” Her face lit up and his dick got hard. He loved that look she got when she was excited. Such an innocent and endearing look of joy on her face. It made him want to hug her. Just hug her. That scared him.

  “Yes, but useful boots. Not froo-froo boots. Boots that will keep your feet warm and be okay if they get wet or snowy.”

  “But cute,” she said, looking concerned about the book protocol.

  “But cute,” he agreed and watched her hustle her lush, fine ass into a dressing room.

  “How long have you two lovebirds been together?” the woman whispered.

  “Just a few days since I stole her.”

  “From another man’s loving arms?” she asked, looking wistful.

  “From another man’s utility chest,” he said and watched the lady blink.

  “Oh, um…” she looked alarmed but not enough to concern Lucas. He smiled at her, showing he was joking. Mostly. “Good luck to you,” the woman said and hurried off.

  Lucas blew out a big deep breath of frustration and ran a hand through his hair. Be careful what you wish for is what they say. “And they sure are right.”

  Lucas wasn’t much of a praying man. You can’t believe in some benevolent caretaker of life when your father drinks too much, hits you, puts you in the care of yourself and another kid you don’t even know when he first shows up. When you grow up wondering if you’re going to be discovered by social services and taken away. Some days you daydream about it and being discovered is more like being rescued. He wasn’t much of a believer. Let’s leave it at that. But he did believe in something. Some great unknown something. Something his great great grandfather who he’d only met twice in his life called Great Spirit.

  Just two days before taking Damien Rossi’s truck, Lucas had realized, he wanted a life. He wanted to let go of all that anger, stop playing at life. He wanted to build a life, not play at one. So he’d gotten good and drunk, lit a pipe that had belonged to the old man with stale tobacco and went out offering smoke to the star and the heavens. It was a bogus, half assed offering to something he wasn’t even sure was up there, but he’d said simply “Bring her to me. Bring me someone who will get me. Who will understand and love me and be with me no matter how fucked up and crazy I am. Make it undeniable. Make it something I can’t ignore. Make her love me and I promise to love her. And protect her, even if it means sometimes protecting her from myself.”

  And then he’d been sick and gone to bed.

  Two days later he was cutting September out of a tool box and then out of cuffs. And he was taking her away so that Matthew couldn’t cloud his judgment and he wouldn’t fall into that old way of his. Where he treated her like a toy or something to use. He wanted to protect her from himself. Because you don’t get much more undeniable than a woman trussed up in hr underpants looking to you to be her hero.

  Be careful what you wish for.

  Chapter 23

  “Well?” I asked, tossing the curtain back. The way he looked at me made my stomach warm and nervous.

  “Nice. Let’s go.”

  “Well? Should I try on the other colors?”

  Lucas looked at his boot. “Same shirt, right? Different color?”

  “Right.”

  “So what’s the point?” he asked.

  Okay, I certainly felt that in the belly like a kick. I had been having fun dressing for him. Primping and trying to tempt him. Instead I got tall, gruff and grumpy. I blew my bangs out of my face and turned. “Right. I’ll get dressed.”

  “I found you a sweater while I was waiting,” he said. “Now we need unmentionables, pajamas, socks and boots.”

  So I got excited when he said boots. So sue me. “Coming!”

  “Soon enough,” I heard him say and then he laughed.

  My body, truly attuned to him now, reacted. I shimmied into my tight jeans and sweater and bundled the new clothes under my arm. When I walked out he was holding a cream colored cable knit sweater out to me. I touched it, feeling the sheer heft of it. I’m sorry, not to be a snob, but only expensive sweaters felt that way. Heavy and rich, almost like a physical presence when you wore it. Something pressing you down, keeping you warm, anchoring you to earth.

  “I can’t,” I said, handing it back. I wouldn’t even look at the price tag. I couldn’t. It would make me cry.

  “You can and you will,” he said, handing it back.

  “No,” I said. Something I doubted I’d ever say so much to Lucas Crow.

  “Take it and…” He turned, his broad shoulders tense with annoyance and frustration. “This one.”

  The other sweater was lipstick red. A gorgeous blue-toned red that would make me look like a pale, flaxen haired goddess. If I’d take it. Which I wouldn’t. Thinner than the cable knit it felt like cashmere and I rubbed my fingers lovingly over its surface before thrusting it back at him. My voice reedy and flustered. “I can’t!”

  “Take the goddamned sweaters, September or I will take you back to your hovel and leave you with that asshole you called a boyfriend.”

  My throat clogged with emotion and I swallowed hard. “You wouldn’t.”

  “I will if you don’t listen. Take the sweaters and try it on. Right here. Now. Do it.”

  I watched him, trying to decide if he was telling me the truth. Finally, fear propelled me and I started to pull it on over my thin black sweater Matthew had bought me.

  “Nope. For arguing, you can go on and peel that puppy off,” he said, his face showing no humor. No hint that he was joking.

  “But I—”

  “No buts. Come on, we’re burning daylight. Peel that fucker off and try these on.”

  It was like streaking, which I’d only done once in college. Don’t think about it or you chicken out. Instead, just clear your mind and go. I set the pile of clothes down on the sweater display and yanked the black one over my head. My nipples pebbled in my bra from the chilled air. I heard someone gasp–sadly, not Lucas. I yanked the red sweater over my head, feeling even in that insane moment, the sensual lick of the fabric on my skin. I turned, fluffed my hair and kept my eyes on no one but him. If I looked at another person and read their expression I would simply die. Float off like dandelion fluff.

  He grinned at me and my pussy spasmed just enough to let me know that he had me. Hook, line and sinker, he had me. “Well?” I breathed.

  “Nice. Very nice. Brings out those big, innocent baby blues.” Lucas leaned in and kissed me. One rough kiss on the lips that set my whole being on edge. “Now this one.”

  I took a deep breath like I was about to dive and tugged the red sweater over my head, it tangled around my head, my hair forcing itself into my nose and mouth. I refused to panic and I tried to hurry without yanking the delicate fabric too hard. I felt Lucas’s hands on me and then he helped me extricate myself from my expensive bondage. He handed me the heavy fisherman’s sweater and I pulled it down over my head. My hair was charged now. It danced and drifted around my head like it was weightless. He pushed the stray strands away and rubbed his thumb over my bottom lip. The move made me th
ink of how he had rubbed his cock over my bottom lip right before I’d sucked him into my mouth.

  “I like it. You look warm and cozy and very, very fuckable.” His voice was like smoke, worming its way into every nook and cranny of my body that craved his want, his acceptance, his approval.

  “Thank you,” I managed, determined not to argue with him anymore.

  “I have money, Ember. My old man was a shit in the dad department but he left us enough money that we don’t have to work. I do what I do for the challenge and because I believe a man–hell, a person–needs a purpose. Needs something to do. So I do that. Now you’ve been such a good, good girl…”

  I felt my cheeks flush hot when he said that. I wanted him to see me as his good girl. I wanted to please him. And I refused to analyze that part of myself right now. He chuckled and I mumbled, “Thank you.”

  “Now get dressed and let’s pay. We can go to the shoe store. It took balls to do what you just did. Especially…” He turned fast to eye an older woman who was eavesdropping. “With so many people not minding their own business,” he said right to her.

  She opened her mouth, shut it and then turned and scurried off. Lucas grinned and I had to stifle a laugh behind my hand. “Like I was saying. It took balls, I think two pairs of boots are in order. One for the snow and one for show. The second ones you can wear during our alone time.”

  An hour later we left the mall with a brown pair of futuristic kick ass snow boots with faux fur trim and a pair of Lucite stiletto ankle boots made of the most buttery black leather I’d ever felt. A few pairs of flannel pajamas, six expensive bras, almost invisible expensive panties, wool socks and a negligee and I was good to go.

  In the truck, Lucas handed me my phone.